I'M STRUGGLING

jeskaalee

Some of the most common questions people ask me when I tell them I struggle with anxiety and depression is “But how could you you’re so beautiful, how could you be sad” or “But you’re such a happy and positive person” or “You’re just being dramatic, my problems are way worse then that”. So on and so forth.

The point of me writing this is isn’t to point out the negativity some people throw at others who suffer from mental health issues at all. This post is about me for you. I have a big heart, I care a lot and it means I get hurt more often then I should. But I would prefer to feel something then to not feel anything at all.

I’ve been struggling quite badly for the past two weeks. Not sleeping, not eating and not being able to switch my brain off and wanting to find an escape form the torture of feeling the way that I do. I get that it may not seem like it on social media and it may not seem like it to some of the people who have been around me lately but I haven’t been coping to the extent that I’ve had to seek help in a few different forms in the workplace and externally. Which I am not ashamed of. Asking for help is admirable.

Just because we may look happy on the outside, or say we are fine and we may look fine on Instagram we may not be. Ask your friends, your family, your workmates if they are okay and offer them an ear or support if they need it.

When I eventually decide to open up the support from my friends, colleagues and loved ones who have taken the time to understand the kind of support I need during these times is so vital and important. I’ve explained to them how I function and how they can help me the best they can. (So thank you, I’m struggling, but i’m getting there because of the support and understanding you’re giving me).

I wanted to write this in the hopes that you as one of my readers you may be able to relate, you may be able to help, you may be able to be more understanding of others in situations like this or you may be able to help a friend or partner who is struggling. We shouldn’t have to go through these things alone and we shouldn’t feel pushed away because our problems seems minuscule to someone who might think their problems are worse or they just don’t believe in ‘anxiety’ or ‘mental health’.

We should always try to put ourselves in others shoes in these situations and picture how they may need support. I know we all need it in different ways and we don’t always understand how others needed it. Just ask or do your research on the best ways to help someone out with what they are struggling with.

Remember you’re not alone, we never are. There is always an ear to listen.


jeskaalee
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MY EXPERIENCE WITH LOVE BOMBING

JESKAALEE

For anyone who has been reading my blog since I started you would know that I have spoken about different situations I have been through with anxiety and depression and how I have overcome some parts and learnt about others so that I know the best ways to manage them when different situations arise.

I wanted to take the time to speak about a situation I recently found myself in, what I learnt from it and how I dealt with it in the hopes that if you have been or you are in a situation like it yourself it will be some help for you or someone you know. Please note I am not a doctor, I am not a life coach and I am not a therapist so the advice I give and the things I speak about are from situations I have gone through personally and how I have found the best ways to handle, conquer and grow through them.

I am a strong believer in standing up for what I believe in and always speaking my truth. I want to constantly learn about myself and why I function the way I function and why other people do the things they do too. I have a strong pull to help others in need and I love to see other women and men find their strengths and love for themselves through a better understanding of why they do and feel the things they do mentally and physically.

To give you a short back story on my experience: I recently was involved with a person who came into my life that made me feel wonderful. They spoke to me like I was important and they learnt about every detail of how I function. They were thoughtful, they made the effort to put me on a pedestal, they learnt what my strong points were, what my weaknesses were, what made me happy, what made me sad, they wanted to spend all their time with me and constantly let me know they adore me. This felt amazing and had me on a high that someone would pay this much attention to me, have this much passion and care this much about me. This made me want to go out of my way for this person, praise them, make them a high priority in my life, drop everything for them because I like to look after others especially when they look after me. I remember in the beginning I had a moment where I questioned “this is too good to be true?” and I should have followed my gut instincts.

Gradually this wonderful feeling began to fade and all of the initial praise, adoration and effort dropped away. Instances would come up where I would be manipulated into being wrong even when I knew I was right or if I had a valid opinion. They stopped me from having a voice with subtle manipulation techniques which took time to notice. Very small disagreements were made to be more extreme then needed because this kind of person dwells in extremes. I would be spoken to almost like a parent to a child. Each disagreement was to point out my wrong doing, to get me to admit I did wrong and not to stick up for myself so they had the ultimate control. This kind of person only has their needs in mind. There was no room for compromise. 

These moments became more prominent and more dramatic. The effort stopped being made to make me feel good. That person began to play the victim. They made big deals over things as if they couldn’t cope. When they started to turn situations into things more extreme than necessary, I knew something was not right. All of my so-called weaknesses were called out, my efforts to compromise were shut down and I was told they couldn’t be with someone like that constantly. I tried to make up reasons for this behaviour to be okay but it wasn’t.

When I spoke with close friends, family and even a professional openly to get advice on what I was experiencing, how I could resolve it or make it better and if I was right to feel that things weren’t right. When everyone I spoke to told me that what I was experiencing and how they were acting was all a major red flag and I should remove myself from it as soon as possible. A close friend had also gone through something very similar but much more extreme and could see the signs I had missed when we spoke.

So, I tried my best to calmly remove myself from the situation and end things. Sadly, I was treated to the silent treatment and ignored which is their form of punishment for disobeying, they do this so they feel they still have control over you. Unfortunately this kind of person will never admit they did any of this nor will they ever take blame for any wrong doing in any situation whether it be past or present.

I was the victim of a manipulator and I was being abused emotionally. This person was gas lighting or love bombing me. This person is commonly known as someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. These kind of people can be present in relationships, friendships and in workplaces. I also realised that I have been in situations throughout my life with similar people but didn’t pick up on the signs like I did this time around.

I love learning about myself and trying my best to understand why we do the things we do so this happening to me made me want to investigate more on why this person was acting the way they were and why they do the things they do. After much research I also found this website to be the best at describing what I went through on how these kinds of people act and what they do to abuse their “victims” and take control.

I don’t blame this person nor do I hold onto any anger toward them as much as they hurt me. Most of the time people like this grow up this way and learn how to get things they want when they are told “No” as a child. The most important thing I did for myself in this situation was put myself first when I wasn’t getting treated properly. I was very lucky that I saw the signs early and I took myself out of the situation when I could. I feel strong! I took back my control and I am now more aware of this kind of behaviour. I always take everything I go through in life as learning whether it’s a good or bad circumstances. The most important thing I did was question things when they didn't feel right and eventually follow my gut feeling.

No one ever deserves to be someone’s puppet, to be abused in any form or to be manipulated. Stand up for yourself when you believe you are right. When things don’t quite feel right question it, talk to a professional, get advice from friends, do your research. The most important thing you can do is detach yourself from these kind of people even if it’s hard and if you can share your story to raise awareness on these kinds of people try your best to do so if you can.

If you ever need advice or someone to talk to about a situation you are in reach out to any of the below call lines or speak to your doctor about speaking with a psychologist.

Lifeline Australia:
13 11 14 | Beyond Blue: 1300 224 636 | Confidential Helpline: 1800 737 732 | Relationships Australia: 1300 364 277


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THIS IS ME

jeskaalee

This is me: I'm not perfect, there is no such thing.

I'm the kind of woman who when I love, I love big. I put my whole heart into things and I care a whole freakin’ lot. Some people think this is naïve and dangerous and some think it's admirable and beautiful. That's just what they think. The most important thing is being happy with who I am and what I stand for.

This year has been full of so many amazing things it makes me so happy to think back on all the special memories I've been able to make and I am so fucking grateful to have made them with some amazing humans. Some days I wonder how I got so lucky to have the people in my life who love, care and support me through so many things.

It hasn't been all love, special moments and happiness. I have had some fucking shitty moments too. Nights where I lay awake wondering if I'll ever be able to stop the hurt and moments where I've realized I'll never be able to hug someone ever again. They were shit moments but they were just moments.

But that's life, it's all just moments. 

Through all of the things I've been through this year I have never stopped learning. I've never stopped believing in myself. I've never stopped loving others and myself. I've learnt that holding in how I feel is never heathy. I've pushed myself to try new things. When I've fucked up I've said sorry. I've learnt that I may not always say the right thing but my heart is always in the right place. I've learnt that I can't please everybody. I've learnt that compromise is essential. I’ve learnt to judge less and show more compassion. I've learnt to stand up for myself and never to settle for mediocre. When I've made a mistake I've tried my best to make things right. I haven't always gotten what I wanted but I've made the most of what I do have. I've learnt to be dependent on myself to pick myself up but I've also learnt it's okay to ask for support.

I am forever grateful for the good days and the bad days. They taught me to love not only the good but the not so good things which were redirecting me. Just remember you are imperfectly perfect and you should always embrace every moment.

jeskaalee gold coast influencer

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THE BEST JEANS

jess marshall gold coast blogger

"IN THE RIGHT JEANS A GIRL CAN CONQUER THE WORLD".


gold coast blogger

I feel like as women we are always on the hunt for the perfect pair of jeans and sometimes it can be a tricky job! There are so many bloody options out there and that it can make it quite a tedious job to tackle. The decision making process after trying on numerous styles that just don’t fit right or make you look well a bit shitty have led me to give up trying at times.

I know these jeans I have found from Glassons won’t be for all of us as we all love a different kind of fit, style, colour, no rips, rips so on and so forth. But I still wanted to share these goodies as I love them a whole a lot. I have now worn them a good few days in a row.. sorry not sorry but I wear them to death.

They are the kind of jean that fit your butt really nicely but not too tightly. You knows those ones that are so tight that you struggle to sit down comfortably.. no one wants to do the awks lay down/sit down to just get into a seat.. as funny as it is to watch. These bad boys also fit nice and loosely from the knee down with just the right amount of distressed bits that it doesn’t look like you’ve been attacked by a wild animal.

Outfit: Sunglasses by Shade Supply , Top by Zara, Jeans by Glassons, Bag by Sportsgirl and Shoes by Glassons

jeskaalee
glassons denim jeskaalee

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HOW TO SELF LOVE

Gold Coast Blogger Jeskaalee

"BE HAPPY NOT BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS GOOD, BUT BECAUSE YOU CAN SEE THE GOOD IN EVERYTHING".


Gold Coast Blogger Jeskaalee

AT TIMES IN OUR LIVES BEING HAPPY CAN SOMETIMES BE A TRICKY TASK DEPENDING ON WHAT IS GOING ON IN OUR WORLD AND WHAT IS AFFECTING OUR MIND & BEING. I KNOW MYSELF, DESPITE NOT WANTING DIFFERENT THINGS TO GET ME DOWN, I CAN LET THINGS AFFECT MY HAPPINESS DEPENDING ON MY CURRENT MOOD OR SURROUNDINGS AND THIS CAN SET ME BACK.

I BELIEVE IT IS TOTALLY NORMAL TO BE AFFECTED BY OUR SURROUNDINGS, PEOPLE & YES EVEN THE WEATHER. WE ALL HAVE SIMILARITIES AND WE ALL HAVE DIFFERENCES AS OUR MINDS ARE ALL DESIGNED DIFFERENTLY AND WE CAN ALL REACT SIMILARLY TO DIFFERENCE SITUATIONS.

SO WHAT I AM TRYING TO SAY IS THAT IT IS OKAY TO FEEL UNHAPPY SOMETIMES, DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP AS IT IS HUMAN NATURE! BUT THE KEY IS REALISING WHY WE ARE FEELING THAT WAY IS ASSESSING THE PROBLEM AND FIXING IT BY COMING TO TERMS WITH IT TO BRING OUR HAPPY BACK!

BRINGING HAPPY BACK! - TODAY I HAVE A FEW TIPS I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE WITH YOU TO HELP BRING YOUR HAPPY BACK!

#1 TALK IT OUT: WE ALL NEED HELP SOMETIMES & IT IS MORE THAN OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP WHETHER IT BE ASKING A FRIEND, YOUR MUM, SOMEONE YOU WORK WITH OR A PROFESSIONAL. GETTING THINGS OFF OUR CHEST & OUT OF OUR MIND IS REALLY HELPFUL AND GETTING ADVICE FROM SOMEONE CAN HELP TO REALISE THAT WHAT IS BOTHERING YOU MAY NOT BE SO BAD OR HELP YOU TO UNDERSTAND WHY YOU ARE FEELING THAT WAY AND HOW TO RESOLVE THOSE FEELINGS.

#2 BE POSITIVE: I KNOW IT IS NOT ALWAYS POSSIBLE TO BE POSITIVE ALL THE TIME BUT IF YOU CHANGE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT SOMETHING THAN YOUR THOUGHTS OF THAT THING WILL CHANGE. TURN YOUR UNHAPPY OR NEGATIVE THOUGHTS AROUND AND FOCUS ON THE POSITIVES, THE THINGS YOU ARE THANKFUL/GRATEFUL FOR IN LIFE AND THINK OF A WAY YOU CAN CREATE A POSITIVE OUTLOOK OF THE SITUATION.

#3 DON'T WORRY: WORRYING NEVER, EVER HELPS ANYONE..IT GENERALLY MAKES THINGS FEEL A LOT WORSE THAN THEY MAY BE IN REALITY. REPEAT TO YOURSELF "WHATEVER WILL BE, WILL BE".

#4 BE HEALTHY: WHAT YOU EAT HAS A DIRECT AFFECT ON YOUR MOOD AND ON YOUR ENERGY LEVELSSOME OF US CAN TURN TO EATING BAD FOOD (YEP IVE BEEN THERE!). EATING POORLY CAN MAKE US HAPPY IN THE MOMENT..BUT ITS NOT A LONG TERM THING. THIS THEN LEADS TO FEELING EVEN MORE UNHAPPY BECAUSE WE'VE JUST EATEN BAD FOOD. ALTHOUGH IT'S COMFORT IN THE MOMENT YOU ARE EATING IT, IT WON'T MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER IN THE LONG RUN. EATING WELL MAKES YOU FEEL A LOT BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF MENTALLY NOT JUST PHYSICALLY.

#5 JUMP AROUND: EXERCISING DAILY NOT ONLY HELPS TO PURIFY THE BODY, BUT IT ALSO RELEASES ENDORPHINS THAT ARE GREAT TO PREVENT STRESS, RELIEVE DEPRESSION AND LIFT YOUR MOOD. IF YOU PREFER NOT TO JUMP AROUND AS SUCH TRY A WALK ON THE BEACH IN THE FRESH AIR OR SOME YOGA TO CALM YOUR MIND AND BODY. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS TO GET YOUR BODY MOVING, DOING WHATEVER EXERCISE WORKS BEST FOR YOU.

#6 SHARE LOVE: REMEMBER WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN STRUGGLES & SOMETIMES HELPING SOMEONE ELSE IN NEED OF SOME LOVE AND CARE CAN ASSIST IN MAKING US FEEL BETTER. GIVE SOMEONE A HUG, LEND AN EAR, HELP A STRANGER OR SHARE A SMILE AND MAKE SOMEONE ELSE'S DAY. IT FEELS REALLY GREAT TO BE DOING SOMETHING FOR OTHERS AND BRINGING JOY TO SOMEONES DAY, EVEN IF ITS ONE PERSON YOU ARE CONTRIBUTING TO.

Gold Coast Blogger Jeskaalee

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LOOK FANTASTIC BEAUTY AWARDS

Look Fantastic Beauty Awards - SkinCare Store

Do you like the sound of winning a $1,000 beauty pack to pamper yourself in some self loving, GOOD FOR YOUR SKIN YOU time? I know I do and with some of the most amazing products I have tried and tested I am very excited to be sharing this with you all!

SkinCare Store are hosting The Look Fantastic Beauty Awards, hosted by partners over at LookFantastic. With six categories, they are giving you the opportunity to have your say on which products keep you coming back, time and time again!

It is easy peasy to enter just here by voting for your fave products! Girl you know what they say, you've got to be in it to win it!

Good Luck x


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