For anyone who has been reading my blog since I started you would know that I have spoken about different situations I have been through with anxiety and depression and how I have overcome some parts and learnt about others so that I know the best ways to manage them when different situations arise.
I wanted to take the time to speak about a situation I recently found myself in, what I learnt from it and how I dealt with it in the hopes that if you have been or you are in a situation like it yourself it will be some help for you or someone you know. Please note I am not a doctor, I am not a life coach and I am not a therapist so the advice I give and the things I speak about are from situations I have gone through personally and how I have found the best ways to handle, conquer and grow through them.
I am a strong believer in standing up for what I believe in and always speaking my truth. I want to constantly learn about myself and why I function the way I function and why other people do the things they do too. I have a strong pull to help others in need and I love to see other women and men find their strengths and love for themselves through a better understanding of why they do and feel the things they do mentally and physically.
To give you a short back story on my experience: I recently was involved with a person who came into my life that made me feel wonderful. They spoke to me like I was important and they learnt about every detail of how I function. They were thoughtful, they made the effort to put me on a pedestal, they learnt what my strong points were, what my weaknesses were, what made me happy, what made me sad, they wanted to spend all their time with me and constantly let me know they adore me. This felt amazing and had me on a high that someone would pay this much attention to me, have this much passion and care this much about me. This made me want to go out of my way for this person, praise them, make them a high priority in my life, drop everything for them because I like to look after others especially when they look after me. I remember in the beginning I had a moment where I questioned “this is too good to be true?” and I should have followed my gut instincts.
Gradually this wonderful feeling began to fade and all of the initial praise, adoration and effort dropped away. Instances would come up where I would be manipulated into being wrong even when I knew I was right or if I had a valid opinion. They stopped me from having a voice with subtle manipulation techniques which took time to notice. Very small disagreements were made to be more extreme then needed because this kind of person dwells in extremes. I would be spoken to almost like a parent to a child. Each disagreement was to point out my wrong doing, to get me to admit I did wrong and not to stick up for myself so they had the ultimate control. This kind of person only has their needs in mind. There was no room for compromise.
These moments became more prominent and more dramatic. The effort stopped being made to make me feel good. That person began to play the victim. They made big deals over things as if they couldn’t cope. When they started to turn situations into things more extreme than necessary, I knew something was not right. All of my so-called weaknesses were called out, my efforts to compromise were shut down and I was told they couldn’t be with someone like that constantly. I tried to make up reasons for this behaviour to be okay but it wasn’t.
When I spoke with close friends, family and even a professional openly to get advice on what I was experiencing, how I could resolve it or make it better and if I was right to feel that things weren’t right. When everyone I spoke to told me that what I was experiencing and how they were acting was all a major red flag and I should remove myself from it as soon as possible. A close friend had also gone through something very similar but much more extreme and could see the signs I had missed when we spoke.
So, I tried my best to calmly remove myself from the situation and end things. Sadly, I was treated to the silent treatment and ignored which is their form of punishment for disobeying, they do this so they feel they still have control over you. Unfortunately this kind of person will never admit they did any of this nor will they ever take blame for any wrong doing in any situation whether it be past or present.
I was the victim of a manipulator and I was being abused emotionally. This person was gas lighting or love bombing me. This person is commonly known as someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. These kind of people can be present in relationships, friendships and in workplaces. I also realised that I have been in situations throughout my life with similar people but didn’t pick up on the signs like I did this time around.
I love learning about myself and trying my best to understand why we do the things we do so this happening to me made me want to investigate more on why this person was acting the way they were and why they do the things they do. After much research I also found this website to be the best at describing what I went through on how these kinds of people act and what they do to abuse their “victims” and take control.
I don’t blame this person nor do I hold onto any anger toward them as much as they hurt me. Most of the time people like this grow up this way and learn how to get things they want when they are told “No” as a child. The most important thing I did for myself in this situation was put myself first when I wasn’t getting treated properly. I was very lucky that I saw the signs early and I took myself out of the situation when I could. I feel strong! I took back my control and I am now more aware of this kind of behaviour. I always take everything I go through in life as learning whether it’s a good or bad circumstances. The most important thing I did was question things when they didn't feel right and eventually follow my gut feeling.
No one ever deserves to be someone’s puppet, to be abused in any form or to be manipulated. Stand up for yourself when you believe you are right. When things don’t quite feel right question it, talk to a professional, get advice from friends, do your research. The most important thing you can do is detach yourself from these kind of people even if it’s hard and if you can share your story to raise awareness on these kinds of people try your best to do so if you can.
If you ever need advice or someone to talk to about a situation you are in reach out to any of the below call lines or speak to your doctor about speaking with a psychologist.
Lifeline Australia: 13 11 14 | Beyond Blue: 1300 224 636 | Confidential Helpline: 1800 737 732 | Relationships Australia: 1300 364 277