MY EXPERIENCE WITH LOVE BOMBING

JESKAALEE

For anyone who has been reading my blog since I started you would know that I have spoken about different situations I have been through with anxiety and depression and how I have overcome some parts and learnt about others so that I know the best ways to manage them when different situations arise.

I wanted to take the time to speak about a situation I recently found myself in, what I learnt from it and how I dealt with it in the hopes that if you have been or you are in a situation like it yourself it will be some help for you or someone you know. Please note I am not a doctor, I am not a life coach and I am not a therapist so the advice I give and the things I speak about are from situations I have gone through personally and how I have found the best ways to handle, conquer and grow through them.

I am a strong believer in standing up for what I believe in and always speaking my truth. I want to constantly learn about myself and why I function the way I function and why other people do the things they do too. I have a strong pull to help others in need and I love to see other women and men find their strengths and love for themselves through a better understanding of why they do and feel the things they do mentally and physically.

To give you a short back story on my experience: I recently was involved with a person who came into my life that made me feel wonderful. They spoke to me like I was important and they learnt about every detail of how I function. They were thoughtful, they made the effort to put me on a pedestal, they learnt what my strong points were, what my weaknesses were, what made me happy, what made me sad, they wanted to spend all their time with me and constantly let me know they adore me. This felt amazing and had me on a high that someone would pay this much attention to me, have this much passion and care this much about me. This made me want to go out of my way for this person, praise them, make them a high priority in my life, drop everything for them because I like to look after others especially when they look after me. I remember in the beginning I had a moment where I questioned “this is too good to be true?” and I should have followed my gut instincts.

Gradually this wonderful feeling began to fade and all of the initial praise, adoration and effort dropped away. Instances would come up where I would be manipulated into being wrong even when I knew I was right or if I had a valid opinion. They stopped me from having a voice with subtle manipulation techniques which took time to notice. Very small disagreements were made to be more extreme then needed because this kind of person dwells in extremes. I would be spoken to almost like a parent to a child. Each disagreement was to point out my wrong doing, to get me to admit I did wrong and not to stick up for myself so they had the ultimate control. This kind of person only has their needs in mind. There was no room for compromise. 

These moments became more prominent and more dramatic. The effort stopped being made to make me feel good. That person began to play the victim. They made big deals over things as if they couldn’t cope. When they started to turn situations into things more extreme than necessary, I knew something was not right. All of my so-called weaknesses were called out, my efforts to compromise were shut down and I was told they couldn’t be with someone like that constantly. I tried to make up reasons for this behaviour to be okay but it wasn’t.

When I spoke with close friends, family and even a professional openly to get advice on what I was experiencing, how I could resolve it or make it better and if I was right to feel that things weren’t right. When everyone I spoke to told me that what I was experiencing and how they were acting was all a major red flag and I should remove myself from it as soon as possible. A close friend had also gone through something very similar but much more extreme and could see the signs I had missed when we spoke.

So, I tried my best to calmly remove myself from the situation and end things. Sadly, I was treated to the silent treatment and ignored which is their form of punishment for disobeying, they do this so they feel they still have control over you. Unfortunately this kind of person will never admit they did any of this nor will they ever take blame for any wrong doing in any situation whether it be past or present.

I was the victim of a manipulator and I was being abused emotionally. This person was gas lighting or love bombing me. This person is commonly known as someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. These kind of people can be present in relationships, friendships and in workplaces. I also realised that I have been in situations throughout my life with similar people but didn’t pick up on the signs like I did this time around.

I love learning about myself and trying my best to understand why we do the things we do so this happening to me made me want to investigate more on why this person was acting the way they were and why they do the things they do. After much research I also found this website to be the best at describing what I went through on how these kinds of people act and what they do to abuse their “victims” and take control.

I don’t blame this person nor do I hold onto any anger toward them as much as they hurt me. Most of the time people like this grow up this way and learn how to get things they want when they are told “No” as a child. The most important thing I did for myself in this situation was put myself first when I wasn’t getting treated properly. I was very lucky that I saw the signs early and I took myself out of the situation when I could. I feel strong! I took back my control and I am now more aware of this kind of behaviour. I always take everything I go through in life as learning whether it’s a good or bad circumstances. The most important thing I did was question things when they didn't feel right and eventually follow my gut feeling.

No one ever deserves to be someone’s puppet, to be abused in any form or to be manipulated. Stand up for yourself when you believe you are right. When things don’t quite feel right question it, talk to a professional, get advice from friends, do your research. The most important thing you can do is detach yourself from these kind of people even if it’s hard and if you can share your story to raise awareness on these kinds of people try your best to do so if you can.

If you ever need advice or someone to talk to about a situation you are in reach out to any of the below call lines or speak to your doctor about speaking with a psychologist.

Lifeline Australia:
13 11 14 | Beyond Blue: 1300 224 636 | Confidential Helpline: 1800 737 732 | Relationships Australia: 1300 364 277


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THIS IS ME

jeskaalee

This is me: I'm not perfect, there is no such thing.

I'm the kind of woman who when I love, I love big. I put my whole heart into things and I care a whole freakin’ lot. Some people think this is naïve and dangerous and some think it's admirable and beautiful. That's just what they think. The most important thing is being happy with who I am and what I stand for.

This year has been full of so many amazing things it makes me so happy to think back on all the special memories I've been able to make and I am so fucking grateful to have made them with some amazing humans. Some days I wonder how I got so lucky to have the people in my life who love, care and support me through so many things.

It hasn't been all love, special moments and happiness. I have had some fucking shitty moments too. Nights where I lay awake wondering if I'll ever be able to stop the hurt and moments where I've realized I'll never be able to hug someone ever again. They were shit moments but they were just moments.

But that's life, it's all just moments. 

Through all of the things I've been through this year I have never stopped learning. I've never stopped believing in myself. I've never stopped loving others and myself. I've learnt that holding in how I feel is never heathy. I've pushed myself to try new things. When I've fucked up I've said sorry. I've learnt that I may not always say the right thing but my heart is always in the right place. I've learnt that I can't please everybody. I've learnt that compromise is essential. I’ve learnt to judge less and show more compassion. I've learnt to stand up for myself and never to settle for mediocre. When I've made a mistake I've tried my best to make things right. I haven't always gotten what I wanted but I've made the most of what I do have. I've learnt to be dependent on myself to pick myself up but I've also learnt it's okay to ask for support.

I am forever grateful for the good days and the bad days. They taught me to love not only the good but the not so good things which were redirecting me. Just remember you are imperfectly perfect and you should always embrace every moment.

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HOW TO SELF LOVE

Gold Coast Blogger Jeskaalee

"BE HAPPY NOT BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS GOOD, BUT BECAUSE YOU CAN SEE THE GOOD IN EVERYTHING".


Gold Coast Blogger Jeskaalee

AT TIMES IN OUR LIVES BEING HAPPY CAN SOMETIMES BE A TRICKY TASK DEPENDING ON WHAT IS GOING ON IN OUR WORLD AND WHAT IS AFFECTING OUR MIND & BEING. I KNOW MYSELF, DESPITE NOT WANTING DIFFERENT THINGS TO GET ME DOWN, I CAN LET THINGS AFFECT MY HAPPINESS DEPENDING ON MY CURRENT MOOD OR SURROUNDINGS AND THIS CAN SET ME BACK.

I BELIEVE IT IS TOTALLY NORMAL TO BE AFFECTED BY OUR SURROUNDINGS, PEOPLE & YES EVEN THE WEATHER. WE ALL HAVE SIMILARITIES AND WE ALL HAVE DIFFERENCES AS OUR MINDS ARE ALL DESIGNED DIFFERENTLY AND WE CAN ALL REACT SIMILARLY TO DIFFERENCE SITUATIONS.

SO WHAT I AM TRYING TO SAY IS THAT IT IS OKAY TO FEEL UNHAPPY SOMETIMES, DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP AS IT IS HUMAN NATURE! BUT THE KEY IS REALISING WHY WE ARE FEELING THAT WAY IS ASSESSING THE PROBLEM AND FIXING IT BY COMING TO TERMS WITH IT TO BRING OUR HAPPY BACK!

BRINGING HAPPY BACK! - TODAY I HAVE A FEW TIPS I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE WITH YOU TO HELP BRING YOUR HAPPY BACK!

#1 TALK IT OUT: WE ALL NEED HELP SOMETIMES & IT IS MORE THAN OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP WHETHER IT BE ASKING A FRIEND, YOUR MUM, SOMEONE YOU WORK WITH OR A PROFESSIONAL. GETTING THINGS OFF OUR CHEST & OUT OF OUR MIND IS REALLY HELPFUL AND GETTING ADVICE FROM SOMEONE CAN HELP TO REALISE THAT WHAT IS BOTHERING YOU MAY NOT BE SO BAD OR HELP YOU TO UNDERSTAND WHY YOU ARE FEELING THAT WAY AND HOW TO RESOLVE THOSE FEELINGS.

#2 BE POSITIVE: I KNOW IT IS NOT ALWAYS POSSIBLE TO BE POSITIVE ALL THE TIME BUT IF YOU CHANGE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT SOMETHING THAN YOUR THOUGHTS OF THAT THING WILL CHANGE. TURN YOUR UNHAPPY OR NEGATIVE THOUGHTS AROUND AND FOCUS ON THE POSITIVES, THE THINGS YOU ARE THANKFUL/GRATEFUL FOR IN LIFE AND THINK OF A WAY YOU CAN CREATE A POSITIVE OUTLOOK OF THE SITUATION.

#3 DON'T WORRY: WORRYING NEVER, EVER HELPS ANYONE..IT GENERALLY MAKES THINGS FEEL A LOT WORSE THAN THEY MAY BE IN REALITY. REPEAT TO YOURSELF "WHATEVER WILL BE, WILL BE".

#4 BE HEALTHY: WHAT YOU EAT HAS A DIRECT AFFECT ON YOUR MOOD AND ON YOUR ENERGY LEVELSSOME OF US CAN TURN TO EATING BAD FOOD (YEP IVE BEEN THERE!). EATING POORLY CAN MAKE US HAPPY IN THE MOMENT..BUT ITS NOT A LONG TERM THING. THIS THEN LEADS TO FEELING EVEN MORE UNHAPPY BECAUSE WE'VE JUST EATEN BAD FOOD. ALTHOUGH IT'S COMFORT IN THE MOMENT YOU ARE EATING IT, IT WON'T MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER IN THE LONG RUN. EATING WELL MAKES YOU FEEL A LOT BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF MENTALLY NOT JUST PHYSICALLY.

#5 JUMP AROUND: EXERCISING DAILY NOT ONLY HELPS TO PURIFY THE BODY, BUT IT ALSO RELEASES ENDORPHINS THAT ARE GREAT TO PREVENT STRESS, RELIEVE DEPRESSION AND LIFT YOUR MOOD. IF YOU PREFER NOT TO JUMP AROUND AS SUCH TRY A WALK ON THE BEACH IN THE FRESH AIR OR SOME YOGA TO CALM YOUR MIND AND BODY. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS TO GET YOUR BODY MOVING, DOING WHATEVER EXERCISE WORKS BEST FOR YOU.

#6 SHARE LOVE: REMEMBER WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN STRUGGLES & SOMETIMES HELPING SOMEONE ELSE IN NEED OF SOME LOVE AND CARE CAN ASSIST IN MAKING US FEEL BETTER. GIVE SOMEONE A HUG, LEND AN EAR, HELP A STRANGER OR SHARE A SMILE AND MAKE SOMEONE ELSE'S DAY. IT FEELS REALLY GREAT TO BE DOING SOMETHING FOR OTHERS AND BRINGING JOY TO SOMEONES DAY, EVEN IF ITS ONE PERSON YOU ARE CONTRIBUTING TO.

Gold Coast Blogger Jeskaalee

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VALUING YOURSELF

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"IF YOU DONT STAND FOR SOMETHING YOU WILL FALL FOR ANYTHING". - MALCOM X


Do YOU struggle to be yourself? Do you find it hard to value yourself? Do you follow the crowd?

Today I want to speak about breaking free from those titles and becoming true to you and valuing yourself for all that you are!

I believe to value yourself and value your beliefs is detrimental in living a life of truth. If we are going through our days trying to please others and only doing or acting the way others think we should act we would be devaluing ourselves, becoming a so-called sheep and not being true to ourself. I believe we all need to learn the best ways to not follow the crowd and not do what we think others want us to do; as that is blocking us from being our true, genuine or honest selves.

Over the years I have built myself up and learnt to stand up for what I believe in and not allow myself to get manipulated into being what someone else believes I should be. This has meant removing myself from certain friendships, relationships and situations in my world. The positive that I have I've always taken away is that doing those things has always been for the better. Despite at the time it was tough I knew it was the right thing to do. I'm all about those gut feelings that twist and turn and niggle me and I know something isn't right when I feel that way. That is usually a sign to me that I need to take a look at the situation and find the best ways for me to move forward from those feelings.

Some important things to remember when valuing yourself and they key tools I have found for myself are:
-  never comparing yourself to someone else
- embrace your mistakes and learn from them
- take opportunities to develop yourself
- never let someone else's view of you define you (that is their projection)
- share your journey with people you trust to let you be yourself and always stick to your dig.

Removing negativity and bad influences isn't always as easy as treating say the flu (if only) but it's not impossible it just takes strength and a willingness to stand up for yourself and what you believe in.

Please note: You are you and there is no one in the the world youer than you (thanks Dr. Zeuss youve always known what's up!!)

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I AM THE CHANGE

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I recently made a very conscious decision to take control of my Anxiety and Depression and I want to speak to you all openly about it. Mental health is something that is still not spoken about openly by so many struggling with it because to some of us it has been engrained as a weakness. I believe that is bullshit (excuse the naughty word). We are all on our individual journeys and the majority of us at some point in our lives will hit some speed bumps that throw us right off track smacking us down on our arses. It can feel really crappy, it can makes us feel useless, horrible, sad, over-think the crap out of stuff and just going around in circles with all that and just end we up in a big fat rut.

This post is about sharing my journey with you in the hopes you may see the light like I have as you are not alone! 

The main thing we need to grasp about mental health is taking control and grabbing life by the you know whats and making it better for ourselves. There is help out there and in so many different forms but the first step is asking for it. Speaking truthfully I have struggled with my mental health for over 10 years..yep that's since high school. I saw a psychologist a few years ago now that gave me some helpful tips and taught me about what I was going through but it didn't completely fix me as such and that helplessness feeling came back just a month or so ago and my world felt like it was falling apart. 

I hit rock bottom with my self esteem and self worth, I didn't love myself and I didn't want to get out of bed in the mornings, I didn't enjoy my days and then I lost and hurt people I loved because I was so angry inside. Something clicked in me that if I don't start to make things better for myself I am just going to continue down a very destructive path which just wasn't me.

I had someone reach out to me about a 30 program.. my initial thoughts were "that's not going to help me". But I had a mull over it for a day and thought if I don't take action and try something new I will continue to feel the way that I felt which freaking sucked.

When I began the I Am The Change (Wake Me Up) Leadership program I was quite reserved, nervous, scared and felt out of my comfort zone.. but to be honest I think that was the best thing and the thing I really needed was just that.. to get out of my comfort zone. It taught me things about myself and what I was capable of and allowed me to get a better understanding of why I feared things and why I felt and did the things that I did/do. Learning about how the mind and body works was incredibly eye opening and I learnt things about my own mind that I never knew I was capable of (to learn is to grow!).

As the program went on I started to come out of my shell (yup just like a turtle) and be more comfortable with myself and the things I was feeling and learning to just feel them. I have started to turn my negative thoughts into positive ones with new ways of viewing things. 

I want to share this program with you all as it has been a life changing experience for me and it has made me feel passion for life again. I wake up in the morning and feel excited to be a part of the day for me and I want you to feel that way too!! You are capable of taking control you only need the courage to ask for help!

If you have any questions about the program please don't hesitate to contact me here!

www.jeskaalee.com

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BE PRESENT

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Have you ever found yourself in a social situation out with friends and you are all sitting on your mobile phones not talking? I almost instantly want to put my phone down if this ever happens and make everyone do the same. Or have you ever been having a conversation with someone to realize you're just talking to yourself because they are engulfed by what is happening on their Instagram feed? Have you ever sat down to have a quick look over what is going on with your social media and wasted an hour scrolling pointlessly, only to then maybe feel sorry for yourself for comparing your life to someone elses life.

I am sure these situations and more have happened to you at some stage with either friends, family or partners. I can't sit here writing that I haven't been the one to do some of those above things too, I am guilty. But I can say in the recent months I have taken note of myself doing those things and made sure I am using my phone for the right reasons at the right time.

I want to ensure I am not missing out on beautiful moments by not being present in them but rather try to record or photograph them. So that is why I wanted to share with you some great ideas for becoming more present not only with others but also with yourself.

PHONE FREE CATCH UPS:
When you organise to catch up with friends or your partner try turning off your phone, or sitting them in a pile in the middle of the table and not touching them until you leave. Sit there and talk about your day, listen to what others have to say, enjoy the food your eating and let your senses take in the moment.

LEAVE YOUR PHONE AT HOME:
I practiced this a couple of times when I went to Bali recently. Being such a beautiful place I wanted to photograph things in the places we went but I also didn't want to get too engulfed in trying to capture and share everything as it was happening without enjoying it so I left my phone at home when we went out a couple of times.

GO A WEEKEND WITHOUT SOCIAL MEDIA:
Get outdoors and take in everything you see! Jump in the ocean, go for a run, breathe in deep, hug someone, play with your dog, read a book, laugh until your stomach hurts and be one with the world, yourself and others.

DO AN ACTIVITY WITHOUT TAKING A PHOTO:
We live in a world of Snapchat and Instagram stories which has it's positive and it's negatives. We can easily share our day and adventures with friends and fans. But we can also get caught up in photographing everything without actually just enjoying it. For example the food you eat out, try and enjoy the food for what it is.. delicious, beautifully displayed, nourishing and sometimes naughty.

PRESENCE IS BETTER THAN PRESENTS:
I write about this one as it is nearly Christmas which to me means spending time with family, being thankful and enjoying goooood food.

I hope that if you are reading this and you struggle to be present or someone in your life does that it can help you or them if you pass it on to find the best ways to come back to the real world to just enjoy it and be present in all it's goodness!


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"WHEREVER YOU ARE, BE ALL THERE".
- JIM ELLIOT

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PHOTOGRAPHY BY JAMIE ALLEN


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