I'M STRUGGLING

jeskaalee

Some of the most common questions people ask me when I tell them I struggle with anxiety and depression is “But how could you you’re so beautiful, how could you be sad” or “But you’re such a happy and positive person” or “You’re just being dramatic, my problems are way worse then that”. So on and so forth.

The point of me writing this is isn’t to point out the negativity some people throw at others who suffer from mental health issues at all. This post is about me for you. I have a big heart, I care a lot and it means I get hurt more often then I should. But I would prefer to feel something then to not feel anything at all.

I’ve been struggling quite badly for the past two weeks. Not sleeping, not eating and not being able to switch my brain off and wanting to find an escape form the torture of feeling the way that I do. I get that it may not seem like it on social media and it may not seem like it to some of the people who have been around me lately but I haven’t been coping to the extent that I’ve had to seek help in a few different forms in the workplace and externally. Which I am not ashamed of. Asking for help is admirable.

Just because we may look happy on the outside, or say we are fine and we may look fine on Instagram we may not be. Ask your friends, your family, your workmates if they are okay and offer them an ear or support if they need it.

When I eventually decide to open up the support from my friends, colleagues and loved ones who have taken the time to understand the kind of support I need during these times is so vital and important. I’ve explained to them how I function and how they can help me the best they can. (So thank you, I’m struggling, but i’m getting there because of the support and understanding you’re giving me).

I wanted to write this in the hopes that you as one of my readers you may be able to relate, you may be able to help, you may be able to be more understanding of others in situations like this or you may be able to help a friend or partner who is struggling. We shouldn’t have to go through these things alone and we shouldn’t feel pushed away because our problems seems minuscule to someone who might think their problems are worse or they just don’t believe in ‘anxiety’ or ‘mental health’.

We should always try to put ourselves in others shoes in these situations and picture how they may need support. I know we all need it in different ways and we don’t always understand how others needed it. Just ask or do your research on the best ways to help someone out with what they are struggling with.

Remember you’re not alone, we never are. There is always an ear to listen.


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THIS IS ME

jeskaalee

This is me: I'm not perfect, there is no such thing.

I'm the kind of woman who when I love, I love big. I put my whole heart into things and I care a whole freakin’ lot. Some people think this is naïve and dangerous and some think it's admirable and beautiful. That's just what they think. The most important thing is being happy with who I am and what I stand for.

This year has been full of so many amazing things it makes me so happy to think back on all the special memories I've been able to make and I am so fucking grateful to have made them with some amazing humans. Some days I wonder how I got so lucky to have the people in my life who love, care and support me through so many things.

It hasn't been all love, special moments and happiness. I have had some fucking shitty moments too. Nights where I lay awake wondering if I'll ever be able to stop the hurt and moments where I've realized I'll never be able to hug someone ever again. They were shit moments but they were just moments.

But that's life, it's all just moments. 

Through all of the things I've been through this year I have never stopped learning. I've never stopped believing in myself. I've never stopped loving others and myself. I've learnt that holding in how I feel is never heathy. I've pushed myself to try new things. When I've fucked up I've said sorry. I've learnt that I may not always say the right thing but my heart is always in the right place. I've learnt that I can't please everybody. I've learnt that compromise is essential. I’ve learnt to judge less and show more compassion. I've learnt to stand up for myself and never to settle for mediocre. When I've made a mistake I've tried my best to make things right. I haven't always gotten what I wanted but I've made the most of what I do have. I've learnt to be dependent on myself to pick myself up but I've also learnt it's okay to ask for support.

I am forever grateful for the good days and the bad days. They taught me to love not only the good but the not so good things which were redirecting me. Just remember you are imperfectly perfect and you should always embrace every moment.

jeskaalee gold coast influencer

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THE BEST JEANS

jess marshall gold coast blogger

"IN THE RIGHT JEANS A GIRL CAN CONQUER THE WORLD".


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I feel like as women we are always on the hunt for the perfect pair of jeans and sometimes it can be a tricky job! There are so many bloody options out there and that it can make it quite a tedious job to tackle. The decision making process after trying on numerous styles that just don’t fit right or make you look well a bit shitty have led me to give up trying at times.

I know these jeans I have found from Glassons won’t be for all of us as we all love a different kind of fit, style, colour, no rips, rips so on and so forth. But I still wanted to share these goodies as I love them a whole a lot. I have now worn them a good few days in a row.. sorry not sorry but I wear them to death.

They are the kind of jean that fit your butt really nicely but not too tightly. You knows those ones that are so tight that you struggle to sit down comfortably.. no one wants to do the awks lay down/sit down to just get into a seat.. as funny as it is to watch. These bad boys also fit nice and loosely from the knee down with just the right amount of distressed bits that it doesn’t look like you’ve been attacked by a wild animal.

Outfit: Sunglasses by Shade Supply , Top by Zara, Jeans by Glassons, Bag by Sportsgirl and Shoes by Glassons

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I AM THE CHANGE

www.jeskaalee.com

I recently made a very conscious decision to take control of my Anxiety and Depression and I want to speak to you all openly about it. Mental health is something that is still not spoken about openly by so many struggling with it because to some of us it has been engrained as a weakness. I believe that is bullshit (excuse the naughty word). We are all on our individual journeys and the majority of us at some point in our lives will hit some speed bumps that throw us right off track smacking us down on our arses. It can feel really crappy, it can makes us feel useless, horrible, sad, over-think the crap out of stuff and just going around in circles with all that and just end we up in a big fat rut.

This post is about sharing my journey with you in the hopes you may see the light like I have as you are not alone! 

The main thing we need to grasp about mental health is taking control and grabbing life by the you know whats and making it better for ourselves. There is help out there and in so many different forms but the first step is asking for it. Speaking truthfully I have struggled with my mental health for over 10 years..yep that's since high school. I saw a psychologist a few years ago now that gave me some helpful tips and taught me about what I was going through but it didn't completely fix me as such and that helplessness feeling came back just a month or so ago and my world felt like it was falling apart. 

I hit rock bottom with my self esteem and self worth, I didn't love myself and I didn't want to get out of bed in the mornings, I didn't enjoy my days and then I lost and hurt people I loved because I was so angry inside. Something clicked in me that if I don't start to make things better for myself I am just going to continue down a very destructive path which just wasn't me.

I had someone reach out to me about a 30 program.. my initial thoughts were "that's not going to help me". But I had a mull over it for a day and thought if I don't take action and try something new I will continue to feel the way that I felt which freaking sucked.

When I began the I Am The Change (Wake Me Up) Leadership program I was quite reserved, nervous, scared and felt out of my comfort zone.. but to be honest I think that was the best thing and the thing I really needed was just that.. to get out of my comfort zone. It taught me things about myself and what I was capable of and allowed me to get a better understanding of why I feared things and why I felt and did the things that I did/do. Learning about how the mind and body works was incredibly eye opening and I learnt things about my own mind that I never knew I was capable of (to learn is to grow!).

As the program went on I started to come out of my shell (yup just like a turtle) and be more comfortable with myself and the things I was feeling and learning to just feel them. I have started to turn my negative thoughts into positive ones with new ways of viewing things. 

I want to share this program with you all as it has been a life changing experience for me and it has made me feel passion for life again. I wake up in the morning and feel excited to be a part of the day for me and I want you to feel that way too!! You are capable of taking control you only need the courage to ask for help!

If you have any questions about the program please don't hesitate to contact me here!

www.jeskaalee.com

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BUDGET SUMMER OUTFITS


DUNGAREES ARE BACK

Let us think more 90's cool than Fresh Prince when we think of Dunagrees. Comfort overload and you can style them anyway you want, whether it's super cas or paired with some pumps.


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H&M  -  ROUND SUNGLASSES  - $12.95

H&M  - ROUND SUNGLASSES - $12.95

H&M -  STRIPE SHIRT  - $24.99

H&M - STRIPE SHIRT - $24.99

 H&M -  DUNGAREE SHORTS - DENIM  - $39.95

 H&M - DUNGAREE SHORTS - DENIM - $39.95


THE STATEMENT TEE

I have always loved how edgy a statement tee can make an outfit look and again you can create this look for day or night depending on your vibe!


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H&M -  PRINTED TEE  - $14.99

H&M - PRINTED TEE - $14.99

H&M -  DENIM SKIRT  - $49.99

H&M - DENIM SKIRT - $49.99

H&M -  PLATFORM TRAINERS  - $34.95

H&M - PLATFORM TRAINERS - $34.95


THE PLAYSUIT

If you don't own a playsuit in Summer on the Gold Coast what are you doing with your life? I joke I joke but there are just so many cute styles for every shape!


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H&M -  KHAKI PLAYSUIT  - $39.99

H&M - KHAKI PLAYSUIT - $39.99

H&M -  TWO STRAND NECKLACE  - $9.99

H&M - TWO STRAND NECKLACE - $9.99

H&M -  BLACK HAT  - $29.99

H&M - BLACK HAT - $29.99


IMAGES SOURCED FROM PINTEREST
ALL PRODUCTS SOURCED FROM H&M 


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BE PRESENT

www.jeskaalee.com

Have you ever found yourself in a social situation out with friends and you are all sitting on your mobile phones not talking? I almost instantly want to put my phone down if this ever happens and make everyone do the same. Or have you ever been having a conversation with someone to realize you're just talking to yourself because they are engulfed by what is happening on their Instagram feed? Have you ever sat down to have a quick look over what is going on with your social media and wasted an hour scrolling pointlessly, only to then maybe feel sorry for yourself for comparing your life to someone elses life.

I am sure these situations and more have happened to you at some stage with either friends, family or partners. I can't sit here writing that I haven't been the one to do some of those above things too, I am guilty. But I can say in the recent months I have taken note of myself doing those things and made sure I am using my phone for the right reasons at the right time.

I want to ensure I am not missing out on beautiful moments by not being present in them but rather try to record or photograph them. So that is why I wanted to share with you some great ideas for becoming more present not only with others but also with yourself.

PHONE FREE CATCH UPS:
When you organise to catch up with friends or your partner try turning off your phone, or sitting them in a pile in the middle of the table and not touching them until you leave. Sit there and talk about your day, listen to what others have to say, enjoy the food your eating and let your senses take in the moment.

LEAVE YOUR PHONE AT HOME:
I practiced this a couple of times when I went to Bali recently. Being such a beautiful place I wanted to photograph things in the places we went but I also didn't want to get too engulfed in trying to capture and share everything as it was happening without enjoying it so I left my phone at home when we went out a couple of times.

GO A WEEKEND WITHOUT SOCIAL MEDIA:
Get outdoors and take in everything you see! Jump in the ocean, go for a run, breathe in deep, hug someone, play with your dog, read a book, laugh until your stomach hurts and be one with the world, yourself and others.

DO AN ACTIVITY WITHOUT TAKING A PHOTO:
We live in a world of Snapchat and Instagram stories which has it's positive and it's negatives. We can easily share our day and adventures with friends and fans. But we can also get caught up in photographing everything without actually just enjoying it. For example the food you eat out, try and enjoy the food for what it is.. delicious, beautifully displayed, nourishing and sometimes naughty.

PRESENCE IS BETTER THAN PRESENTS:
I write about this one as it is nearly Christmas which to me means spending time with family, being thankful and enjoying goooood food.

I hope that if you are reading this and you struggle to be present or someone in your life does that it can help you or them if you pass it on to find the best ways to come back to the real world to just enjoy it and be present in all it's goodness!


WWW.JESKAALEE.COM

"WHEREVER YOU ARE, BE ALL THERE".
- JIM ELLIOT

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IMAGES COPYRIGHT TO WWW.FEMMEBODY.COM.AU
INSTAGRAM @FEMMEBODYACTIVE
PHOTOGRAPHY BY JAMIE ALLEN


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